It's Not Okay and That's Okay

When the Lord arrived at Mary and Martha's home in Bethany, He must have had some idea what was about to transpire. This would be the place of one of his most magnificent miracles - perhaps only second to the Atonement and Resurrection. He had tarried, not coming immediately to Lazarus' bedside, no doubt following the Spirit and preparing for what would become a historic moment. 

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Mary and Martha, however, did not know. All they knew in that moment was that the Savior could have saved their brother, but was too late. Christ didn't come until the fourth day, which in Jewish tradition, is after the spirit had fully left the body. Lazarus was dead.

When Christ arrived, He was greeted by Martha, who, while grieving, reaffirmed her faith in Him but still expressed her heartbreak that He could have not come earlier. Mary voiced similar thoughts. Lazarus was a dear friend to the Savior, as were Mary and Martha. He loved them. And so, although He knew what would shortly come to pass, Jesus wept. He wept with Mary and Martha, not only seeing their grief but also I expect keenly feeling His love for Lazarus. Those who saw were seemingly surprised to see Jesus weep. They exclaimed, "behold, how He loved him!' (John 11:36).

The rest of the story goes on from there. We know that Christ brought Lazarus back from the dead, and that Mary and Martha's joy immediately eclipsed the grief they had felt. This story has a happy ending, and a rather immediate one at that. But that's not why this story sticks out to me.

I believe that this story teaches us an important truth: that it's okay to not be okay.

Image retrieved from lds.org

This church focuses so much on happiness that sometimes I think we get a little carried away. We think (and tell other people, on occasion) "if you keep your covenants you will be happy!" As if we should live our lives in eternal bliss, never feeling any discontent or sadness. It leaves those of us who struggle with illness (mental or physical), disappointment, financial hardship, or other things beyond our control wondering why everyone else has this eternal bliss while we are left grasping at straws, only staying alive one day at a time. We think that whenever we are struggling with something - anything - that we need to chin up and face the world just as blissfully as everyone else seems to. We feel compelled to wear a mask. We feel like we have to say that everything's okay or that everything will be okay or that everything happens for a reason. 

Sometimes that reason is that life sucks. 

I think that in our quest of eternal bliss, we tend to forget the sanctifying power of grief. Grief and sadness have the power to be sacred experiences, although not in the way we'd prefer. Those moments when someone is hurting too badly to move shouldn't be glossed over. We shouldn't feel guilty for being sad, for missing loved ones or relationships or previous life experiences. Grief is the price we pay for love. Without that, our love would seem cheap and meaningless. It would have no worth if we could lose something or some experience that meant a great deal to us and be able to move on with no problems and be blissfully happy.

The point I guess that I'm trying to make when we struggle, it's okay for things to not be okay. It's okay to take the time, however long we need, to be sad. The Savior doesn't expect us to just move on. In fact, while we know He is the Master Healer and can solve any of our problems, Christ wants us to know that sometimes He is just there to hold us and grieve with us. He's not pressuring us to square our shoulders and be happy all the time. While the promises of eternal life teach us that eventually things will be okay, He understands that sometimes, that's not right now. Sometimes, that's not in this life. He does not dismiss our sadness and grief. Instead, He sits next to us, mourning with us, feeling our hurt and listening to our cries. He doesn't try to make it better, not yet. And although He knows that He can heal our hearts, He waits until we are ready to be healed. In the meantime, He is content to stay with us through our pain. 

"Surrender" by Mark Mabry

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people...and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:11-12).

In time, those moments of darkness become some of the most sacred experiences. For me, it is those times that I really came to know my Savior. I came to trust in His promise that He would not leave me comfortless. I came to rely on His always listening ear. And although I would never, ever, choose to go back to those dark times, it is through them that I can be who I am today.