Living Above the Demons

 So, yeah. Anxiety.

 

Retrieved from Huffington Post

Everyone's felt it, at some point or another. Normal people feel the butterflies in their stomach, or a clenching feeling when something they're nervous about comes around. At least, I think they do. 

Then there's those of us who feel the panic attacks and think we are dying. Literally, I've thought I was having a heart attack before. I deal with anxiety on a daily basis, thankfully not as severely as my depression. And I know a lot of people have it a lot worse off than me.

We got March's Ensign (for the nonexistent audience, this is a monthly LDS church magazine that covers a variety of uplifting and inspiring topics), in the mail today. I was pretty pumped to see that there was an article on anxiety and anxiety disorders! I've been happy to see that the church has been paying more attention to those of us who struggle with mental illness. It's been encouraging to say the least.

I will post a link to the article after it becomes electronically available (it's in the March Ensign, and we are still in February). For those of you who aren't LDS, there may be a few scriptures you're not familiar with, but the concept is pretty well defined.
 

While I think it was a good start, I thought there were a few things missing. It felt like it was written by someone who had learned about anxiety disorders but never struggled with it themselves. I wanted to add some thoughts from someone who is finally doing a little better at managing her own anxiety.

PC NewBridge Recovery

Something, first and foremost, I have learned is that a lot of times depression and anxiety go hand in hand. Not only do we have to deal with crippling and damaging self talk, we have to deal with it while we are in the middle of panic attacks while not sleeping. It's a chemical cocktail as dangerous as anything the government can cook up.

So here's some thoughts.

1. I have finally come to understand that my anxiety and mental illness is NOT MY FAULT. As I was reading the article, there is a part that talks about how anxiety (and depression, of course) can make it more difficult to feel the Spirit (or the voice of God, or the Force, whatever you prefer). Immediately I felt that little voice in my head telling me that it must mean I'm sinning or less worthy, or somehow inferior to other people. None of these things are healthy for anyone to think, but especially those of us who take the bad thoughts and make them worse. This voice comes often. I'm working on kicking it out. Why? Because these thoughts AREN'T TRUE. Is having a hearing problem from birth someone's fault? Does it make someone less worthy? NO! Just as if someone who is hard of hearing can use supplementary equipment to help them do better, we may need to get some additional help to be sensitive to the small, quiet voices in our lives that tell us that we're doing okay. 

2. One thing I really liked about the article was that they suggested not telling people who are struggling with anxiety to "calm down," "don't worry," or "you're being irrational." Holy cow, have I been told to calm down or not worry more times than I can count, and I can tell you that this pisses me off. Just a helpful hint to those who are in a helping position - just don't say that. Just stop.

 

Retrieved from Pinterest

3. I think the most important thing, and this will be my last point for right now because I'm pregnant and scatterbrained, is that some of us will fight our demons our entire lives. Just because we are on medication or in therapy or are master meditators doesn't mean that we may ever completely own our own minds. All we can do is our best, and we can't even do that all the time. We can learn (slowly) to love and be patient with ourselves as we fight our battles. We can celebrate our victories, however small. And we can be there for each other no matter how hard it gets. Often, the best people to help are those who are going through their own battles.

So keep on fighting, friends. Someday, we'll make it through.

 

PC Marvel

Ollo

Hello to the sum total of 2 people who might read this blog! Allow me to explain myself.

This is me, most of the time:

My poor husband knows this, as well as most people I come in contact with. I'm not very quiet when it comes to things that matter to me.

This blog is more for me, to get my thoughts down. I have noticed that writing helps me understand myself better, even if no one reads it. However, I think sometimes what I have to say is valuable. I want my entire life to be devoted to helping people, so I figure if something I say while trying to get my thoughts together can help someone else, I may as well share it. 

Because ultimately, this is me as well:

Love y'all!